My friend Rich died on Tuesday, and I’d like to tell you about him.
Rich was big and boisterous. He was a virtuoso cook, builder of worlds, and, like so many proud Irishmen, a masterful storyteller. He convened all the guys on our block in Pittsburgh to butcher a whole hog, he pit–roasted a whole lamb at Easter, and the shelves of his kitchen and living room were filled floor to ceiling with spices, exotic elixirs, elaborate tools, and cookbooks. He served as Dungeon Master for the neighborhood kids’ weekly Dungeons & Dragons games in settings of his own dreaming and established house rules that prohibited characters with Evil alignments. “They shouldn’t have to play in a world with evil in it.” He loved history and had hilarious anecdotes and overlooked figures from the past – especially medieval Europe – at his fingertips for any occasion. Rich is irreplaceable.
Rich loved teaching history in public schools, and when I asked him why he stopped, he told me plainly: “I had a major depressive episode and was unable to continue.” Thankfully, depression and suicidality were not the end of Rich’s story, but they were a considerable part of it. He told the story of his own life, including those dark chapters, openly and generously; his storytelling was an invitation to engage. He gave people the gift of his life, passions, and challenges. Likewise, his life and story were gifts to his wife, his friends, his neighborhood, his students, and beyond.
Rich’s death was sudden, tragic, and untimely, but his plentiful health challenges meant he had faced down death before. As a result, his funeral plans were well attested: a brass band playing “When the Saints Go Marching In” and Irish whiskey for any who wishes to partake. Like I said, Rich is irreplaceable.
Pastor’s Columns should have a call to action. This one has many. Invite other people into the story of your life and let them celebrate or mourn alongside you. When a person in your community invites you in, say yes. Cook an outrageously complicated meal with some loved ones. Take on a monumental task that can only be done with the help of the entire neighborhood. If you or a loved one is thinking about suicide, don’t go it alone. Call 988 and reach out to others, including pastors or counselors at the Middleton Center. If you’re struggling with physical or mobility challenges, reach out for help, including to BMPC’s caring ministries. Give yourself as a gift to your community.
Rich is irreplaceable, and so are you.